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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26759998">brighter world beyond myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayibetriumphant/pseuds/Leocht'>Leocht (mayibetriumphant)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A little lie and a bigger hurt [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Gen, also uhhhh the Force</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:27:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26759998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayibetriumphant/pseuds/Leocht</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll put it this way for you--if Obi-Wan was dying, what would you do to save him?”</p><p>“What kind of question is that?” Frankly, he’s appalled that she would even ask him to consider such a thing.<br/>“Answer the question.”<br/>“Anything,” he says too quickly. “I-I’d do anything to save him.”<br/>“But would he want you to?”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anakin Skywalker &amp; Depa Billaba, Anakin Skywalker &amp; Mace Windu, Obi-Wan Kenobi &amp; Anakin Skywalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>A little lie and a bigger hurt [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1490477</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Depa isn't ""technically"" Anakin's master, since he can only have one, and he hasn't been to Illum yet, so they still share custody. He's a very unique case, so he gets semi-unique treatment.<br/>Title comes from Dear Wormwood by The Oh Hellos</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Love—my padawan—is neither selfish, nor begrudging. There will come a time where you may lose or need to share the affections of someone you—“</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin narrows his eyes suspiciously. “Are you pregnant?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Master Billaba blinks. “No?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Getting another Padawan?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Again, no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just that what you’re saying sounds really suspicious, didi. You’re making it sound like something is going to take you away from me.” It </span>
  <em>
    <span>sounds </span>
  </em>
  <span>a lot like the ‘surprise, there’s a new baby in the house’ talk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tugs his braid, and he squirms away. “Once again, my point is lost in the labyrinth that is your logical processes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin pouts. “I came here to get away from Obi-Wan and his nagging, and now you’re doing it too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The gist of what I was trying to get across to you is that there is nothing wrong with love, or loving someone while following the Code. So long as it is selfless and compassionate, that is. “</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pauses, and he blinks, hoping his eyes aren’t too obviously glazed over, and that she didn't notice he wasn't listening anymore.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anakin.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No such luck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll put it this way for you--if Obi-Wan was dying, what would you do to save him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What kind of question is that?” Frankly, he’s appalled that she would even ask him to consider such a thing.</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Answer the question.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Anything,” he says too quickly. “I-I’d do anything to save him.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“But would he want you to?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“If, in order to save his life, you had to take my life or even your own, would he want that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“And if you didn’t have to kill anyone, but you caused lasting harm, for his sake--because you love him, would he thank you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...I…”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>His mentor sits patiently, waiting for his answer, but he doesn’t have one to give. Of course he would do whatever it took to save Obi-Wan’s life. He’s the closest thing he’s got to a father, and he can’t imagine life without him. He couldn’t go on without him, because--</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s attachment. You’re saying that I can care about other people, but I have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>consider </span>
  </em>
  <span>them too. Is that it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Precisely, young Skywalker.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swats halfheartedly at her hand when she tweaks his nose. “I’m too old for that.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“You’ll never be too old for that. Not even when I have to go on my tiptoes to bother you.” He really </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>getting tall now. “And just know, Obi-Wan nags because he cares. Not because he wants to upset you.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>The boy pouts. “Yeah, I know. He probably wants an apology now.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Depa shrugs. That’s mostly his guilt over (almost definitely) storming out talking. Obi-Wan himself very rarely apologizes, so he won’t expect Anakin to. She hands him a credit chip. “Just in case you need to butter him up a little. I don’t know what you did this time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Council approves bribery now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What, are you threatening to tell on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anakin just laughs and sticks out his tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get out and go harass someone else, will you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s no bite to her words, but Anakin wilts dramatically anyway. “I see how it is.”</span>
  <span></span><br/>
<span>“Oh, please,” Depa laughs too. “Maybe I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>been a bad influence on you.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Now you sound like Master Yoda. But...really, thank you, Didi.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t thank me for doing my job. Now, go on, do yours.”</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Master Windu said nothing would hurt him, but something apparently *wants* to.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Anakin gets his own lightsaber later here bc its not cool to let him get one immediately upon arrival in the Temple.<br/>Also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=heNeBhRpq7Y</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Skywalker, are you listening?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anakin blinks, drowsy from sheer boredom. It’s just him and Mace, stuck on a small ship on their way to Illum. He should be excited for the trip—for his first kyber crystal—but he’s so...stodgy. Even Obi-Wan would’ve at least brought a deck of cards, but not Master Windu. Does he really expect him to just meditate the whole time?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, yeah. I’m up, are we there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Almost. You’ll want to make sure that you have at least two extra heat packs.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Obi-Wan warned him that he had better be polite. Master Windu didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>have </span>
  </em>
  <span>to take him on his own trip, it was a courtesy so he didn’t have to go with the eight-year-olds. Depa just told him to be safe and have fun. He can’t fathom how someone as straight-laced as Windu turned out such a glib student.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anakin might as well do as they say, though. A student’s conduct is often a reflection of their master’s teaching, and he doesn’t want to make either of them look bad.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Master Windu sets the autopilot and goes to the hold to put on his snow boots too. “We’ll be landing soon. Do you have any questions about your mission?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, master. Depa—Masters Billaba and Kenobi already explained everything to me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If he’s skeptical, he doesn’t say it, and Anakin can’t feel it. He’s just weirdly calm. “Take another ration bar. There’s no telling how long you’ll be in there, and I can’t come after you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Can’t or won’t?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not my quest. If I interfered, you wouldn’t succeed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>———</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If Tatooine was hotter than a Sith hell, Anakin thinks, Illum must be colder than whatever the opposite of that is. He hates this place too. Snow and sand make for awful storms. The tiny pieces of ice that make it past his face mask bite at his skin just like the sand of his home planet. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mace walks in front of him, shielding him from the majority of the wind, and clamping down on his amusement at poor Skywalker’s mood. His first visit here wasn’t any better either. He could stand to project a little less violently, though, it feels like he’s shouting his displeasure right in his ear.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They come to a stop at their destination.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s nothing here, master! Are we lost?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Patience, padawan. Do you see the pattern on the ground here?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, there’s...I know! It’s one of those...those Force locks. It needs two people to unlock it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very good. Now, focus.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anakin preens. “I read it outside of class after I did the required stuff.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good. You should always try to excel in your studies.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Together, they close their eyes. Chunks of ice shake loose from the stone as it shifts to allow them access, and Skywalker almost loses his focus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>If it falls on us—</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Focus, young one.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Mace orders.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The boy buckles down and the Temple rumbles its way open. “We did it!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Go on--it won’t stay open forever.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The atrium is marginally warmer, which he’s grateful for. Skywalker wanders around, mouth agape at the massive statues and sparkling mosaics left behind by the founders of the Temple. The majority of the grounds have been ruined by time, but the crystal caves are well maintained. A tragedy, but it’s simply not cost effective to build a permanent outpost on a planet where the sun only rises once every two and a half weeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Skywalker, stay close.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, Master Windu, sorry, Master Windu.” Anakin ducks his head and digs the toe of his boot into a small pile of snow. “It’s just...I’ve never seen anything like this before. I shouldn’t have gotten carried away. I won’t do it again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mace can’t tell if the pink on his cheeks is from the cold or from embarrassment at getting scolded. The boy is incredibly sensitive, so it could be either. Depa wasn’t nearly as touchy when she was this age. Not as far as he remembers, anyway. “It’s fine. Now—you should have all the time you need. I will be here until you return.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The icy waterfall that blocks the entrance to the main cave is completely melted by the sun. That should give Anakin at least four standard hours to find his crystal. Plenty of time. He’s quite capable, after all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Mace squeezes his shoulder in what he hopes is a reassuring gesture. “Remember, nothing in there can hurt you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Why would it? You still haven’t even told me what my trial’s supposed to be!”</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“It will be as the Force wills it. That’s all I can tell you for now.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But...what am I looking for?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing and everything. Now go.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>—————</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Remember, nothing in there can hurt you. Nothing and everything.” Anakin sucks his teeth. What kind of reassurance is </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Not that he even needs it, because he won’t fail--not a chance!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>fail. Because if he does, that means Master Windu was right the whole time, and he should never have been a Jedi, and that Obi-Wan will be disappointed, and…and...no. No, he won’t think that way.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ugh. He should’ve just waited until Obi-Wan got over his cold. Now he’s stuck until he gets what he came for. He can’t feel Master Windu’s steady presence anymore, which is more unnerving than he thought it would be.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A hall with three offshoots is in front of him. He goes down the middle one. It seems to get warmer as he wanders through. No—it </span>
  <em>
    <span>is </span>
  </em>
  <span>getting warmer. He pushes an icicle, and it dissolves into slush.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...weird.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He can’t see the end of the hall yet, so he keeps going. His footsteps echo, and the melting ice formations drip steadily onto the stone floor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Click...hiss...</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Anakin whips around, searching for the source of the noise. “Hello? Who’s there?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It has to be nothing. Nobody else is in the caves with him, after all. He reaches into the Force. It can guide him to his crystal, wherever it is, and get him out. Just as long as he trusts in it--</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A wave of pure hatred and </span>
  <em>
    <span>cold </span>
  </em>
  <span>sends him stumbling backwards.  “What—“</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The dark at the far end of the hallway shifts and congeals to swallow up what little natural light there is so deep underground.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>You you you you!</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Master Windu said nothing would hurt him, but something apparently </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants </span>
  </em>
  <span>to. The cold settles in his bones and freezes his blood. He hasn’t felt fear like this since Maul! A Sith! It has to be a Sith, but he can’t beat one on his own, </span>
  <em>
    <span>especially </span>
  </em>
  <span>not without a lightsaber. The Dark rolls toward him like a thunderstorm of foul emotion—everything a Jedi isn’t supposed to feel, but he can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>move</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Master! Help me!” No, he won’t die here. It won’t get him! He’s the fastest in his class! “Right, yeah--”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then he’s falling, hurtling through the air, where the stone beneath his feet should’ve been, and then...</span>
</p>
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